Hearing follow up

Ellie failed her hearing test. They checked, the hearing tubes are open and in place. If this gets cut short, I'm sorry. They stuck plugs in her ears, she failed the test. They asked if she seemed like she could hear at home, and I said yes. So they put her in a sound-proof booth with a speaker on each side, while I held her in my lap in the middle. They brought in a girl to sit with us so Ellie would be "distracted" from hearing. Ellie was way more interestd in the girl. So the girl left. Then Ellie got antsy. The girl came back and tried to hide, Ellie was still mesmorized by her. Then Ellie figured out the game they were playing and just kept looking back and forth at the two speakers. The audiologist tried to tell me not to worry, that the test is only considered "inconclusive." Telling a mother not to worry about her child is like the sun not to shine. They said perhaps she's just not used to hearing yet. Maybe the tubes are interfering. Maybe she's not mature enough to understand what they're doing during the "social" hearing test (ie- you hear something and therefore respond; often at this stage infants pick and choose when they want to react to sound, which is why learning their name is considered a milestone). Then the audiologist asked if she was crawling or sitting yet. I said no crawling (only when necessary) and yes to sitting. Although honestly I don't feel she does that as well as she could. So then the audiologist said that perhaps she's just developmentally behind. Great. Now she's deaf and slow. In either event, she has to come back in a month to see if she's gotten used to her hearing and matured enough to take- and hopefully pass- another hearing test. I suppose part of this is my fault, I could have waited another 2 weeks to schedule the hearing test but I was just so certain she would pass I wanted it as early as possible. I had been talked out of my worry, thinking perhaps she had learned knew words and sounds, that she did startle when she heard something out of the ordinary, she did get upset when loud noises were around but maybe I'm just diluting reality. Guess I really better buckle down on sign language. And if you're wondering how I am, there are so many emotions going on there aren't enough words to express them.