On the plus side, her babbling really has picked up. We hear new sounds, new volumes all the time. I wasn't sure how her hearing and speech would pick up since she's only 7 months but it really has made a difference.
A small piece of her stitches fell out this morning. It didn't seem to bother her at all. I was just glad to see she's healing.
I'm currently losing a battle with my pity party. I fight it pretty constantly, and some days I'm able to look at the silver lining and just revel in the fact that I have a gorgeous, well-behaved, good-sleeping, happy baby girl. Other times, I just cry about how life isn't fair, and how such a darling girl doesn't deserve so many problems.
My friend just came back from her ultrasound. She has a beautiful baby boy on the way, and I couldn't be happier for her. Of course this just reminds me of the nightmare sonogram I had, and how unfair it is that my girl has problems. And I don't want to hate her or be jealous of her, and if I even start to feel that way it makes me feel even worse for thinking it.
Today I also got a call from our social worker that in 1 month Ellie will have her physical therapy evaluation. From my observation she needs it, which breaks my heart.
To add fuel to the fire, my husbands grandmother died. Time to go host my pity party.
Hey Jennifer, I'm right there with you at the pity party. My sister spent her morning with friends at a new mommy group; I spent my morning going to the nutritionist, then a post-op appointment with the surgeon, then on the phone arguing with the health insurance company. So unfair for Joshua and so unfair for me!! I think it's good to admit that this can be really hard, even in the midst of loving and enjoying your wonderful child. Thanks for being so honest and letting me know that I'm not the only one :).
ReplyDeleteAlso, re: the physical therapist - I totally get why you don't want Ellie to have one. But I have found that PT is one of my favorite of the dozen providers Joshua sees. Unlike with eating and breathing, where the problems are BIG and no one seems to be able to offer an easy solution, the PT problems are small, the PT can give you exercises to do, and you can actually see positive progress within a matter of days. It's awesome. If you guys do get a PT, I hope it's a positive experience for you, too.