Guilt

I was casually watching television (as in, it was on while I was doing other things) and one of those commercials came on. You know the ones- "If you took XXXX and XXXXXX happened to you, please call the law firm of XXXXX." I hate them. Or I did. Maybe. Then I heard the word "cleft palate" and I stopped dead in my tracks. "If you took an antidepressant and your child was born with a cleft palate, please contact us." My husband even walked in the room and asked "Did you hear that?" We were shocked. Stunned. While we had been asked post-birth about everything I had ever done during pregnancy- eating, drinking, exercise, vitamins, drugs, etc- no one had mention a potential link between antidepressants and birth issues. No one. I was on antidepressants for the first trimester, but then stopped taking them voluntarily. Of course research indicates PRS starts between 7 and 12 weeks, so by then it was clearly too late. All PRS moms are searching for answers, and there is a huge debate about what causes PRS. Some say its a genetic issue, but for those of us who have had clean genetics testing results- what then? We have an unconfirmed case of Sticklers. We declined that particular genetic testing. It's not entirely certain, at least of the research I've seen, that Sticklers actually causes PRS. They says PRS is caused by an underlying genetic condition (not proven 100%) and Sticklers could be one of those underlying conditions (again, not proven). I may ask a medical research mama friend to help me out. In any event, I called the doctor and the pharmacy and both confirmed I was on cymbalta. My husband instantly saw dollar signs, especially when he had heard that the Paxil group had each received $1m. I felt an unreal amount of guilt. Everyone says not to, that I couldn't have possibly known, but I do. There's a very real possibility I did this to my daughter. So I'm not sure I want the money. I'm almost hoping they won't take my case because then it means it's not my fault.